Dear Mother Nature...

Dear Mother Nature, I am sorry. You always provided us and asked for nothing in return. You gave us food, water, shelter, fresh air and heat to not just survive but to live the lavish life possible. Along with us existed many other species whom you provided the same things equally without any bias. Using your gifts, we became powerful so much so that we tried controlling the planet. Ego crept in and we tried overpowering you, the provider of everything. We kept testing your patience, we kept ripping you apart into pieces, we kept damaging everything you created, in the name of development and advancement and growth. But you were still patient with us. Because you never let ego get into your head. We kept hurting you and we kept exploiting you, while fully aware and conscious of our deeds. And maybe that’s when you lost your cool. We disrespected you by misusing your gifts. We started bottling water which is supposed to be free. We exploded the hills and mountains to make tunnels. We created explosives , we destroyed the forests, we built huge buildings where the nature had to be sacrificed. And then we saw your wrath in the form of storms, floods, earthquakes, forest fires, tornadoes, landslides, etc. Lives were lost but lessons were still not learnt. Because it affected only one corner of the planet at a time. But you reached your threshold, when we challenged the ecosystem. When we started sacrificing the lives of other species in the name of food, leather, clothes, medicines and other antique pieces. We forgot that just like us Humans, even they are your children. Ego and power let us believe we owned this planet and we ruled over the animals, birds and all the other species. And I understand how much it must've hurt you. So much that even we can feel that pain now. So much that the whole planet is suffering today because of our own deeds. So much that we cannot step out of our houses to even breathe that fresh air which is your gift to us. This time it's just not one corner of the planet which is suffering and the others are watching. The entire planet is wrapped around the fear of not just losing their lives but losing you as well. This time you blew us out big time. No, this time we blew this out of the proportion, big time.

On behalf of the entire mankind, I apologize. I apologize for everything we put you through. I apologize for misusing your gifts and killing your creation. I apologize for thinking we owned this planet while we are supposed to be sharing this with everyone around. We are supposed to be co-existing happily. We thought Hitler was the worst dictator. But I think we set higher standards. If this is the cost of learning a simple lesson, well we are paying it and we will not forget it. We made mistakes and we are regretting now. And I know it' only us who can change the world now and I am sure by now we all have sensed  it.

Right now, I am praying hard. So hard that we all should win this. And the day we win, I will throw away the mask and breathe deep and hard. I will step out of my house and walk longer distances to feel that air around me. I will go see my family and friends and hug them tight and tell them how much I missed them. Apart from people , I miss the nature big time. Sitting in the park and waiting for the Sun to rise is the most awaited and cherished moment of my day. I miss that badly. Watching the elder citizens of laughing club laugh out at silly jokes was my cooling off technique post jogging. I will go to the mountains and the oceans and scream out how beautiful they are and how much in awe of them I am.

There is so much I want to express it to you, Mother Nature and I am falling short of words. All I am asking is for you to calm down and forgive us. Please forgive us and give us another chance. We promise to try not disappoint you.

A Trip to Discovering the beauty of Solitude

Past few weeks of mine have gone in solitude. It gave me a lot of time to myself where I was reminiscing some old memories and thats how my Kodaikanal trip came into my mind. This trip was and will be the most memorable and special trip of my life. It was my first ever solo trip! I am fond of travelling. The leisure travelling where I get to relax and unwind myself. But this trip was all not about the place that made it more special, but it was more about the experience I've had.

I always played safe. Hesitated to rake risks and never did anything alone before. Be it shopping, movies, eating at a restaurant or coffee at a cafe`, or travelling. But this always limited my experience and happiness. Because I had to depend on others to do these things. Only if I had some company, would I get to enjoy this.

I got a break of 10 days from work last year April. I wanted to travel somewhere and then visit my family for the remaining few days. I wanted to go to some coastal area like Pondicherry or Goa or Gokarna. I have always been very fond of beaches. The sea and the shores always calms me down. Being raised in a city like Vizag , I've still not had enough of the beaches. And then next I decided to contact my friends if anyone was willing to go with me. Everyone turned it down because it was a very short notice or they were just not interested in going for a random trip suddenly or some reason to not go with me. I was pissed. I was very very angry and disappointed. No, not with my friends. with Myself. I was disappointed with myself. Why? Because there's something I want to do for myself and I have to depend on someone else for this? Why am I doing this to myself? If I want to travel why cant I just go? Alone! I thought about it for a bit and then I gave in. After talking to a friend about doing it solo I don't remember how did I decide on Kodaikanal. I was figuring out everything about the places thats got beaches and in the next half an hour I was booking my tickets for Kodaikanal and then a hotel to be put up in. All in just within half an hour. When I finally finished on figuring out the logistics, it then dawned upon me what did I just do? How will I travel alone? I am a woman, I have to think about my safety. Even if that is taken care of, what will I do there alone? I will be bored. I called up my closest people to understand some tricks and tips for solo travelling. I made notes on a paper and put it in my wallet. I was exhausted with worry and excitement, so I dozed off.

Finally the day came when I had to board the bus to Dundigul and then another bus from there to Kodai. Throughout the bus journey I was anxious and slightly scared. I had no itinerary in place and I did not bother making one because I wanted to go with what comes my way. Uncertainties are beautiful because you have no control over them , you dont anticipate it and you just wait and watch what does it bring your way. And as much as I trusted in the unplanned, this trip turned out to be the most adventurous trip of my life because I hitch-hiked , spoke to random strangers, made friends with people, ate alone in the restaurants , drank tea, coffee and hot chocolate alone at a small tea corner,  roamed around and explored the places all by myself, tolerated the lowest temperature, fell in love with the hills and its greenery. I did everything which I was always hesitant to do.

I came back with so many sweet memories with me. This trip helped me understand more about myself. It let me shed my inhibitions and get rid of so many fears. This trip taught me so many things while I interacted with strangers, when I heard so many stories. This trip also taught me not to depend on others for my own happiness. I dont have to depend on people to do things which I want to do. My happiness is in my hands and not in someone else's. My happiness is my responsibility and not someone else's. And I will not chase someone else to achieve this. It also taught me how beautiful can solitude be where you can hear no one but yourself, your higher self. An opportunity that we always miss out on when we are lost in the crowd and all that we are trying to figure out is for a place for us to stand out and survive. 

Menstruation - The Biggest Taboo

A topic which is very close to my heart and I take pride in spreading awareness to people around. Yeah, you heard it right. There is still a need for awareness in our society. This morning while I was browsing lazily as to what to watch, I bump into a documentary on Netflix named ‘Period - End of sentence’ . It blew my mind because it captured the right set of women and girls and what a beautiful job done. The documentary is about how much of a taboo is the topic of menstruation. Shot in a village somewhere in the North it captured how both women and men think about periods. Girls shying away and women hiding their face when asked about it while Men call it a ‘Ladies Beemari’ . Outrageous! I couldn’t stop but pen down those overwhelming thoughts which were overflowing in my head.

This documentary is in association with The Padproject , Action India, Girls Learn International and The Feminist majority Foundation. The documentary primarily brings awareness about how periods is looked at in the rural parts of India and promotes the use of sanitary pads . I was not surprised to see when they said they don’t know what a pad is and when they were given one to use, they had no clue how to use it. They use a cloth and they have to go far off from their houses during the dark hours, secretly hiding away from the men in the society to discard the used cloth. Men on the other hand, are living in complete denial about periods. They think its an illness. They are comfortable talking about diapers but not sanitary napkins.

But the beauty about the documentary is not the cause but the attitude with which these women have been living their life. Their innocence and ignorance is something that will melt your heart. These women and young girls do not seek validation from outside. They know their worth and they look for opportunities to do something outside their kitchen. When these young girls were asked what do they want to become, they all have a common answer, Police Officer. They want to become police officers so they can escape marriage and whip the asses of those men who create troubles to women. They strongly believe that women are the ones who are running the world , they are the foundation of any living human. They don’t want someone else to tell that to them because they are living that kind of a life. They are empowered women in every true sense.

Lets talk about the taboo issues related to periods in the Urban section of our country. When I was a kid I used to see these regular advertisements of sanitary pads which talked about ‘geelapan’ and how it helped absorb it. I always thought it was some napkin that helped absorb the sweat. But my sweat wasn't blue , so I rubbished it off thinking it was for someone sick who sweat blue. Then puberty hit me and my mom got me these very sanitary pads. It was confirmed, I was sick. But then the ‘geela’ thing was red and not blue, so it got me more confused, rather scared that I am seriously sick. And this kept happening every month, every month I fell sick , so much that the sickness left stains all over my pants and dresses. I was pissed and upset and I refused to wear them because I enjoyed Denial. Same way as Proctor and Gamble did and made sure the entire country believed that we bleed blue and not red. I was always not so very fond of whisper pads for unknown reasons. Now I know why. My inner calling, I tell you. P&G, you ruined my early years of periods.

Discussing periods with men has become easy in the urban society, but the shaming and shying away hasn't gone yet. In fact, it is in a disguised form. You carry that big bag of yours to the washroom just to change your pad. Like, how difficult is it to carry a slim pad in your hands and walk with pride to the washroom. Okay, not exactly pride but its a normal thing. Just like how you’d carry your lipstick .

The workplace issues. They say, your personal issues are yours and you cannot bring it on others at work. Makes sense. Your stomach hurts, your back is killing you, your lower abdomen is bloated so much that even a drop of water going down your stomach makes you feel heavy, you feel like throwing up every now and then, you have a bad headache and you are scared to stand up because either you fear a stain on your clothes or you fear something might drip down because thats how your flow is. All this happens for the next 4-5 days, nonstop. You cant take a week off for it every month, because its a ‘normal’ thing according to your colleagues at work. You have to work your ass off, be efficient, good and cordial to everyone at the same time. And then if there is any reaction from us, the opposite reaction is ‘Are you PMSing?’ I cannot snap, I cannot react, I cannot be myself and then I am made to believe that I am sick. I am sent off home. When will this change? You sneeze once and you take a day off, we bleed for like a week and we are proving our worth in a patriarchal society of yours.

My parents play an integral role in who I am today as a person. When I was a child, I remember my Mother not cooking for my father during her periods. My father would cook for the entire family during those days and we as kids relished a different taste of food. But I was small enough to not understand the shunning my mother had to go through during her periods. But after my puberty, things changed. My father saw me through my periods and since then my mother never was deprived from cooking for him, even during the periods. He never could imagine me going through something like that . Being a parent to a girl child is a huge responsibility. My father, a simple man from a rural background, never made me feel that periods are a big thing. He never raised me as a girl, one of the main reasons why I have been very callous about being girly. He actually never let me or my Mom use our periods as an excuse to get rid of any work, unless we are actually in a lot of pain. He is the reason why we feel this is the most normal thing ever. I sometimes feel, it is a defense mechanism for fathers to protect their daughters in this big bad world by bringing us up this strong. To all the fathers out there, you play the most important role in normalizing periods in their life. How you see it is how they will see it.

Being affected by PCOS, I understand the importance of my periods. I am the happiest when it happens because its the most important sign that we are healthy and our body is functioning normal. Cursing or praying for it to not happen will not ease the pain during those days. Accepting it as an identity of being a woman will lessen the suffering.

Empowerment has been spoken of very highly in the higher class societies and many bigwigs are fighting for it by displaying sanitary pads or by going bra-less or by not waxing off your body hair and many such stunts. But I believe empowerment is the freedom to do anything as she wishes to do. Periods can and should never come in the way of pursuing education or a career or a hobby. This is a crucial fight that our country women are struggling to win over and live a life with pride and respect.

Participate and contribute however you wish to but do it. No matter how much of a feminist you can call me, but its been long long due. The patriarchal society, even now owes a lot to us because we are still not equals.

Arunachalam Muruganantham, the padman said something nice and simple in this documentary. The strongest ever creation of God is not an Elephant or a Tiger or a Lion or a Man, its a Woman, PERIOD

Please go through the links below and do your bit.

https://www.thepadproject.org/

https://www.action-india.org/

Failure - The most underrated!

One lazy Sunday afternoon I was using an old magazine to make some cut pieces out of it and while flipping through the pages I came cross a cover story on many successsful women in industries like film, art, business,sports, corporate etc. Celebrities like Sushmita Sen, Priyanka Chopra, Mira Nair, Saina Nehwal, Anita Desai , Protima Bedi, Chanda Kochar etc were talking about success and how they achieved it. Each of them spoke about success and how fearlessly have they achieved it in their own way. We all look up to to them and somewhere we wish to become like them or close to them. There was something about the article though which bothered me.

'I detest failure. There's no place for it in my life. You only have to think back to the time you were victorious and that helps you overcome the disappointments' - Priyanka Chopra.

I had to pick this one line of all the others is because of how she looked down on failure.
You think these celebrities never failed? They did, all of them. But they wont talk about it, why? Because their image wont allow them to look like a failure to the people in large. They have fans, followers, worshipers or what not. They relate their celebrities to success and fame. But is it really the truth? You speak about success without mentioning about failure and that my friend, is very misleading. The message that you are conveying to the mass is you don't fail, failure is shameful , its not okay to fail, losers fail, you cannot talk about your failures to people because you'll be judged or looked down on or people shall stop respecting you if all you've had is failure.

Why detest Failure? Why fear Failure? Why hate Failure? The whole existence of success and victory is based upon failure. Even in the English dictionary the word 'F'ailure comes before 'S'uccess. Failure is important and it is normal. It teaches you to be polite, be humble, be thankful and become an amazing human being. Its high time we appreciate our failures. It is because of it that we are who we are, today.

To the parents, please teach your kids about how important failure is. Don't shame them if they are not good with numbers or cannot score 90%. The student who scored 90% looks good because of that student who scored 50%. I mean, imagine a class full of 90%s , who would you appreciate? who would you award? There is no one to compare your credits with. You need a failure to compare someone who succeeded.

To the ambitious and career oriented professionals, stop being harsh on yourself if you are put on improvement plans. I personally know some amazing people (including me) who have been on such plans and God I cant tell you how wonderfully they are doing today.

I knew someone from XLRI, who got rejected by 25 companies during their campus placement. Yeah, hard to imagine an XLRI student failing. The 26th company hired him and he is doing good in his career.

To the oh-so-hopelessly romantic friends of mine, who failed in love so many times that you lost count of it, I hug you tight! You are gifted with power to love again and again. These love failures have gifted you with what others are still struggling to have. Clarity! So, Don't let someone else's honeymoon pictures or date night rendezvous on Facebook spoil your mood. You'll soon need a bigger platform than Facebook, higher and mightier than the Universe, to declare your love because its going to be that huge.

Lisa Kudrow's story of how she landed an opportunity in F.R.I.E.N.D.S is something that touched me deep. But there was something that made me respect her a lot about how she looked at her failures. With respect, with love, with laugh! And she has been the most favorite of all the characters in F.R.I.E.N.D.S .

Oprah Winfrey, looks at failures as redirection ! Redirection to something big, something huge, something that can blow your mind.

But we have always been taught and trained to be disappointed , to be upset, to break down, to be ashamed , when fail. THIS NEEDS TO STOP! Start redirecting them, start telling about the glories which follow Failure, start teaching to accept it and laugh about it. High time, lets sit across tables, lets talk about our failures and do not let anyone judge you for it.

Depression - The New Age Virus!!!

Depression! We hear a lot about it these days. Irrespective of age and gender, everyone is falling prey to it today. People these days have become so intolerant to things and situations, so much that they cannot take it and fall into depression. But I am not here to write about how silly people are ( is what generally people think about those in depression) who easily get affected by it. I am writing this to tell you, why it happens! I remember a friend telling me during a conversation about depression; ' I feel sorry for those who fall into depression. Such weak souls, such stupid people, such cowards, do not have the strength to face situation/challenges/problems.' I kept mum for a moment. I felt like screaming, but I kept quiet. Why? I did not have the strength.... to waste my time and energy on this. I know of some people who also consider this to be a trend among people these days. Something to flaunt about, gain pity and sympathy from people. Sounds cool to some people and hence, they criticize about how today everyone wants to be affected by it. There are people who laugh about it, laugh at you in fact and your inability to help yourself. Like really, how silly and stupid are they who say they are in depression.

But, but, but, you know what? People in depression will never come to you and say " I am in depression! " They wont come to you at all in fact. All they want is to be alone, sit in a corner and not think anything about the next moment. They sit and feel broke, useless, alone, clueless, confused, betrayed, fragile, on the verge of tears, anxious, rejected, hurt, good for nothing and a burden to family, friends, colleagues and peers. They have issues with sleeping and once they manage to sleep, they pray and wish they don't have to wake up. If they manage to wake up, they have no idea what to do next. They stop meeting people, they become physically dull and weak, they withdraw themselves from everything regular in their life. But there are also the kinds who look happy and good to the outside world, but are dying inside,each and every day. These are the hard ones to identify. Depression is like a bruise that is hidden and doesn't go away easily. Its a bruise in your mind. You cannot see it.

The reasons for depression can be anything. It depends on the resilience of an individual. But it usually is because of relationship problems, medical problems, financial issues, work issues, loss of loved ones or some other traumatic incidents or accidents. Again, some of it might look like, "oh, this can be sorted. What is there to worry about it?" Like I said, what you can sustain, may not look the same to the others. It varies from individual to individual.

"Depression is not a joke! It's a real illness that doesn't discriminate. No amount of money or fame can fix it. The funniest man on Earth couldn't just think positive and be healed. Support those who are battling depression and other mental health issues. It takes lives!" - RIP ROBIN WILLIAMS ,A famous stand up comedian and actor (Remember Jumanji?). Robin Williams committed suicide because he was suffering from a kind of dementia. The man who made others laugh and entertain, who could have thought he would have mental issues.

Coming to my motive behind writing this article, this is a letter to the ones who need help. How can we help? Talk them out and just listen to them. Just listen. No judging, no advising, no suggestions, nothing. If they say they are okay, then don't just leave them there thinking they are actually okay. They will not admit it easily. Stop! Look into their eyes, hug them tight and tell them " I know you are not" . If they want to cry, don't stop them. If they want to talk for hours, let them, just listen to them. Assure them, they can talk to you about anything at anytime. Make sure you are available for them. Take some time out for them. You are saving a life. The actual reason for people falling into depression is when you don't have people around you to listen to you and talk to you. If only, we had time to spend it with our loved ones, no one ever would become a victim to this.

I know there is a lot of awareness today about these prevailing mental health issues. There are institutions and helplines coming up for the ones who need help. But I wanted to write this for the ones who couldn't reach out to these institutions and NGOs for help. People wont come out easily to cure themselves. Because our society considers them to be sick, seriously sick. And nobody likes being called sick. So, if you are reading this, and if you feel familiar to this, then talk to me! I may know you or may not know you, but I will listen to you and just listen to you, as long as you want! And this is going to be just between us, I promise!

Someone who truly cares for YOU!

Healing Energies of a Smile

At 7.30 pm I started packing my bag and booked an Uber to go home. I usually listen to songs while I am in the cab on my way to home just to relieve myself from the tiredness at work. And today was a little more disturbing and strenuous day compared to the other days. I was thinking about so many things which didn't go right in my life, both personal and professional . I was lost in deep thoughts and then the honking of vehicles in the middle of a bad traffic pulled me back from my trance. At the Kothaguda junction, when my cab was waiting for the vehicles to move forward, I started observing people in the standstill traffic. Everyone in a hurry to go back home just so they can relax and prepare themselves for another strenuous tomorrow. Amidst all of that chaos, I saw a small girl, must be 5-6 yr old, in very shabby clothes sitting at the pavement near the temple which was located at the signal. She had a water bottle in her hands and she was swinging the bottle in a way like a mother would swing her toddler to put it to sleep. She was busy swinging or rather playing and it looked like she was humming to the bottle as I was busy observing her. While she was busy doing that she lifted her head and looked straight at me. As she saw me staring at her, she smiled very sweetly at me. Her smile was so infectious that it brought smile to my lips. She continued smiling at me as if she knew I was so badly in need of a warm gesture from someone. A gesture that would make me feel good, make me feel special , make me feel wanted and important. I realized the cab started moving slowly as the traffic started clearing . While I continued looking at her , she saw my cab moving. She waved at me very sweetly and I could feel the love while she was waving at me. I waved back to her and kept that smile on my face even after reaching home. But even after going home that little girl's image was very fresh in my mind. I cannot forget how happy and content she looked. She was sitting near the temple, unaware of things happening around her, unaware of her tomorrow, unaware of any problems in her life. She looked very relaxed and joyful in those ragged clothes and almost no toys to play with but just an empty plastic water bottle but very excited about what she had with her. And I was in an AC cab, sitting comfortably in my best clothes with a phone in hand going towards a place called home where I was looking forward to cook some good food to eat and sleep in my comfortable bed so I can get up tomorrow morning to go to work which pays me to buy all these luxuries. Yet, I am unhappy and unsatisfied with life. Ironical right?

At times we always forget what we have and we are always running after what we do not. Selfish beings we are and will remain to be so. We always forget to take out time from the race that we are trapped in, so much that we forgot to thank Him for everything that we have, forgot to feel blessed with all the luxuries in life and forgot to practice the attitude of gratitude. A small girl helped me realize to be thankful to the Universe for everything that I have and also taught me the impact of a smile. Always spread that smile, someone needy is out there for one. And trust me, that genuine smile with pure feelings from heart has healing energies. I wish I could get to see her tomorrow again because I enjoyed smiling. It felt like she was there for me, waiting for me to pass by so she could remind me that I am being looked upon and taken care of by.

Thank you God and Universe.
In awe of you!

its pouring and pouring and pouring

Wow!… never have seen vizag like this. Not atleast during my stay . It’s the second day and its still raining nonstop. It so happened yesterday that I was in my college when it suddenly started pouring. I had many plans as it was the weekend but this sudden downpour washed off all my plans. But then a jolt of happiness and excitement sprang in me with the very sight of rainfall and the smell of wet soil. I waited for the rain to stop but it looked like the clouds have come with an unending stock of rainfall with the mission to clean the city. It went on pouring and pouring. Luckily I was carrying an umbrella which I was sure wont do any good and it didn’t as I predicted. But I still consider myself lucky when compared to people who weren’t carrying the umbrella at all. They were enjoying the rain. As was I in my way :)

Somehow managed to reach home half drenched . Freshened up and gobbled whatever was made by my mother as I was very hungry. Was still waiting for the rain to stop coz by now the entire city must been cleaned :P. But it was pouring as if someone has dared the clouds to do so. The clouds were clear white and the air fresh enough to breathe without any fear of pollution mixed in it. The rainfall slowed down a bit but then after an hour it was again raining heavily. And then it went on in its own stride .

The next morning when I got up from my bed I heard some tinkling sounds. I drew the curtains and opened the windows. A quiet cool breeze swept across my face and I felt my whole body shudder. Oh my God! Its still raining! It hasn’t stopped. I now grew restless with the rain. Stuck at home and nowhere to go. Didn’t know what to do. So here I am writing about it. And guess what ? Its still pouring and pouring and pouring! :)