A Trip to Discovering the beauty of Solitude

Past few weeks of mine have gone in solitude. It gave me a lot of time to myself where I was reminiscing some old memories and thats how my Kodaikanal trip came into my mind. This trip was and will be the most memorable and special trip of my life. It was my first ever solo trip! I am fond of travelling. The leisure travelling where I get to relax and unwind myself. But this trip was all not about the place that made it more special, but it was more about the experience I've had.

I always played safe. Hesitated to rake risks and never did anything alone before. Be it shopping, movies, eating at a restaurant or coffee at a cafe`, or travelling. But this always limited my experience and happiness. Because I had to depend on others to do these things. Only if I had some company, would I get to enjoy this.

I got a break of 10 days from work last year April. I wanted to travel somewhere and then visit my family for the remaining few days. I wanted to go to some coastal area like Pondicherry or Goa or Gokarna. I have always been very fond of beaches. The sea and the shores always calms me down. Being raised in a city like Vizag , I've still not had enough of the beaches. And then next I decided to contact my friends if anyone was willing to go with me. Everyone turned it down because it was a very short notice or they were just not interested in going for a random trip suddenly or some reason to not go with me. I was pissed. I was very very angry and disappointed. No, not with my friends. with Myself. I was disappointed with myself. Why? Because there's something I want to do for myself and I have to depend on someone else for this? Why am I doing this to myself? If I want to travel why cant I just go? Alone! I thought about it for a bit and then I gave in. After talking to a friend about doing it solo I don't remember how did I decide on Kodaikanal. I was figuring out everything about the places thats got beaches and in the next half an hour I was booking my tickets for Kodaikanal and then a hotel to be put up in. All in just within half an hour. When I finally finished on figuring out the logistics, it then dawned upon me what did I just do? How will I travel alone? I am a woman, I have to think about my safety. Even if that is taken care of, what will I do there alone? I will be bored. I called up my closest people to understand some tricks and tips for solo travelling. I made notes on a paper and put it in my wallet. I was exhausted with worry and excitement, so I dozed off.

Finally the day came when I had to board the bus to Dundigul and then another bus from there to Kodai. Throughout the bus journey I was anxious and slightly scared. I had no itinerary in place and I did not bother making one because I wanted to go with what comes my way. Uncertainties are beautiful because you have no control over them , you dont anticipate it and you just wait and watch what does it bring your way. And as much as I trusted in the unplanned, this trip turned out to be the most adventurous trip of my life because I hitch-hiked , spoke to random strangers, made friends with people, ate alone in the restaurants , drank tea, coffee and hot chocolate alone at a small tea corner,  roamed around and explored the places all by myself, tolerated the lowest temperature, fell in love with the hills and its greenery. I did everything which I was always hesitant to do.

I came back with so many sweet memories with me. This trip helped me understand more about myself. It let me shed my inhibitions and get rid of so many fears. This trip taught me so many things while I interacted with strangers, when I heard so many stories. This trip also taught me not to depend on others for my own happiness. I dont have to depend on people to do things which I want to do. My happiness is in my hands and not in someone else's. My happiness is my responsibility and not someone else's. And I will not chase someone else to achieve this. It also taught me how beautiful can solitude be where you can hear no one but yourself, your higher self. An opportunity that we always miss out on when we are lost in the crowd and all that we are trying to figure out is for a place for us to stand out and survive. 

Menstruation - The Biggest Taboo

A topic which is very close to my heart and I take pride in spreading awareness to people around. Yeah, you heard it right. There is still a need for awareness in our society. This morning while I was browsing lazily as to what to watch, I bump into a documentary on Netflix named ‘Period - End of sentence’ . It blew my mind because it captured the right set of women and girls and what a beautiful job done. The documentary is about how much of a taboo is the topic of menstruation. Shot in a village somewhere in the North it captured how both women and men think about periods. Girls shying away and women hiding their face when asked about it while Men call it a ‘Ladies Beemari’ . Outrageous! I couldn’t stop but pen down those overwhelming thoughts which were overflowing in my head.

This documentary is in association with The Padproject , Action India, Girls Learn International and The Feminist majority Foundation. The documentary primarily brings awareness about how periods is looked at in the rural parts of India and promotes the use of sanitary pads . I was not surprised to see when they said they don’t know what a pad is and when they were given one to use, they had no clue how to use it. They use a cloth and they have to go far off from their houses during the dark hours, secretly hiding away from the men in the society to discard the used cloth. Men on the other hand, are living in complete denial about periods. They think its an illness. They are comfortable talking about diapers but not sanitary napkins.

But the beauty about the documentary is not the cause but the attitude with which these women have been living their life. Their innocence and ignorance is something that will melt your heart. These women and young girls do not seek validation from outside. They know their worth and they look for opportunities to do something outside their kitchen. When these young girls were asked what do they want to become, they all have a common answer, Police Officer. They want to become police officers so they can escape marriage and whip the asses of those men who create troubles to women. They strongly believe that women are the ones who are running the world , they are the foundation of any living human. They don’t want someone else to tell that to them because they are living that kind of a life. They are empowered women in every true sense.

Lets talk about the taboo issues related to periods in the Urban section of our country. When I was a kid I used to see these regular advertisements of sanitary pads which talked about ‘geelapan’ and how it helped absorb it. I always thought it was some napkin that helped absorb the sweat. But my sweat wasn't blue , so I rubbished it off thinking it was for someone sick who sweat blue. Then puberty hit me and my mom got me these very sanitary pads. It was confirmed, I was sick. But then the ‘geela’ thing was red and not blue, so it got me more confused, rather scared that I am seriously sick. And this kept happening every month, every month I fell sick , so much that the sickness left stains all over my pants and dresses. I was pissed and upset and I refused to wear them because I enjoyed Denial. Same way as Proctor and Gamble did and made sure the entire country believed that we bleed blue and not red. I was always not so very fond of whisper pads for unknown reasons. Now I know why. My inner calling, I tell you. P&G, you ruined my early years of periods.

Discussing periods with men has become easy in the urban society, but the shaming and shying away hasn't gone yet. In fact, it is in a disguised form. You carry that big bag of yours to the washroom just to change your pad. Like, how difficult is it to carry a slim pad in your hands and walk with pride to the washroom. Okay, not exactly pride but its a normal thing. Just like how you’d carry your lipstick .

The workplace issues. They say, your personal issues are yours and you cannot bring it on others at work. Makes sense. Your stomach hurts, your back is killing you, your lower abdomen is bloated so much that even a drop of water going down your stomach makes you feel heavy, you feel like throwing up every now and then, you have a bad headache and you are scared to stand up because either you fear a stain on your clothes or you fear something might drip down because thats how your flow is. All this happens for the next 4-5 days, nonstop. You cant take a week off for it every month, because its a ‘normal’ thing according to your colleagues at work. You have to work your ass off, be efficient, good and cordial to everyone at the same time. And then if there is any reaction from us, the opposite reaction is ‘Are you PMSing?’ I cannot snap, I cannot react, I cannot be myself and then I am made to believe that I am sick. I am sent off home. When will this change? You sneeze once and you take a day off, we bleed for like a week and we are proving our worth in a patriarchal society of yours.

My parents play an integral role in who I am today as a person. When I was a child, I remember my Mother not cooking for my father during her periods. My father would cook for the entire family during those days and we as kids relished a different taste of food. But I was small enough to not understand the shunning my mother had to go through during her periods. But after my puberty, things changed. My father saw me through my periods and since then my mother never was deprived from cooking for him, even during the periods. He never could imagine me going through something like that . Being a parent to a girl child is a huge responsibility. My father, a simple man from a rural background, never made me feel that periods are a big thing. He never raised me as a girl, one of the main reasons why I have been very callous about being girly. He actually never let me or my Mom use our periods as an excuse to get rid of any work, unless we are actually in a lot of pain. He is the reason why we feel this is the most normal thing ever. I sometimes feel, it is a defense mechanism for fathers to protect their daughters in this big bad world by bringing us up this strong. To all the fathers out there, you play the most important role in normalizing periods in their life. How you see it is how they will see it.

Being affected by PCOS, I understand the importance of my periods. I am the happiest when it happens because its the most important sign that we are healthy and our body is functioning normal. Cursing or praying for it to not happen will not ease the pain during those days. Accepting it as an identity of being a woman will lessen the suffering.

Empowerment has been spoken of very highly in the higher class societies and many bigwigs are fighting for it by displaying sanitary pads or by going bra-less or by not waxing off your body hair and many such stunts. But I believe empowerment is the freedom to do anything as she wishes to do. Periods can and should never come in the way of pursuing education or a career or a hobby. This is a crucial fight that our country women are struggling to win over and live a life with pride and respect.

Participate and contribute however you wish to but do it. No matter how much of a feminist you can call me, but its been long long due. The patriarchal society, even now owes a lot to us because we are still not equals.

Arunachalam Muruganantham, the padman said something nice and simple in this documentary. The strongest ever creation of God is not an Elephant or a Tiger or a Lion or a Man, its a Woman, PERIOD

Please go through the links below and do your bit.

https://www.thepadproject.org/

https://www.action-india.org/

Failure - The most underrated!

One lazy Sunday afternoon I was using an old magazine to make some cut pieces out of it and while flipping through the pages I came cross a cover story on many successsful women in industries like film, art, business,sports, corporate etc. Celebrities like Sushmita Sen, Priyanka Chopra, Mira Nair, Saina Nehwal, Anita Desai , Protima Bedi, Chanda Kochar etc were talking about success and how they achieved it. Each of them spoke about success and how fearlessly have they achieved it in their own way. We all look up to to them and somewhere we wish to become like them or close to them. There was something about the article though which bothered me.

'I detest failure. There's no place for it in my life. You only have to think back to the time you were victorious and that helps you overcome the disappointments' - Priyanka Chopra.

I had to pick this one line of all the others is because of how she looked down on failure.
You think these celebrities never failed? They did, all of them. But they wont talk about it, why? Because their image wont allow them to look like a failure to the people in large. They have fans, followers, worshipers or what not. They relate their celebrities to success and fame. But is it really the truth? You speak about success without mentioning about failure and that my friend, is very misleading. The message that you are conveying to the mass is you don't fail, failure is shameful , its not okay to fail, losers fail, you cannot talk about your failures to people because you'll be judged or looked down on or people shall stop respecting you if all you've had is failure.

Why detest Failure? Why fear Failure? Why hate Failure? The whole existence of success and victory is based upon failure. Even in the English dictionary the word 'F'ailure comes before 'S'uccess. Failure is important and it is normal. It teaches you to be polite, be humble, be thankful and become an amazing human being. Its high time we appreciate our failures. It is because of it that we are who we are, today.

To the parents, please teach your kids about how important failure is. Don't shame them if they are not good with numbers or cannot score 90%. The student who scored 90% looks good because of that student who scored 50%. I mean, imagine a class full of 90%s , who would you appreciate? who would you award? There is no one to compare your credits with. You need a failure to compare someone who succeeded.

To the ambitious and career oriented professionals, stop being harsh on yourself if you are put on improvement plans. I personally know some amazing people (including me) who have been on such plans and God I cant tell you how wonderfully they are doing today.

I knew someone from XLRI, who got rejected by 25 companies during their campus placement. Yeah, hard to imagine an XLRI student failing. The 26th company hired him and he is doing good in his career.

To the oh-so-hopelessly romantic friends of mine, who failed in love so many times that you lost count of it, I hug you tight! You are gifted with power to love again and again. These love failures have gifted you with what others are still struggling to have. Clarity! So, Don't let someone else's honeymoon pictures or date night rendezvous on Facebook spoil your mood. You'll soon need a bigger platform than Facebook, higher and mightier than the Universe, to declare your love because its going to be that huge.

Lisa Kudrow's story of how she landed an opportunity in F.R.I.E.N.D.S is something that touched me deep. But there was something that made me respect her a lot about how she looked at her failures. With respect, with love, with laugh! And she has been the most favorite of all the characters in F.R.I.E.N.D.S .

Oprah Winfrey, looks at failures as redirection ! Redirection to something big, something huge, something that can blow your mind.

But we have always been taught and trained to be disappointed , to be upset, to break down, to be ashamed , when fail. THIS NEEDS TO STOP! Start redirecting them, start telling about the glories which follow Failure, start teaching to accept it and laugh about it. High time, lets sit across tables, lets talk about our failures and do not let anyone judge you for it.